Thousands Of Eggs Pushed Out Of Nests After Birds Legalize Abortion

The Onion reports on the Bird Supreme Court's decision overturning the avian world's anti-abortion law.

" 'This is a major victory,' said a chestnut-tailed starling while preparing to dump the contents of her nest from the crook of a fir tree. 'I have ambitions for my life, and managing a single-parent nest simply does not fit into that plan.'

" 'There is no place for a cabal of old, multicolored males to tell me what I can and cannot do with my life,' added the chestnut-tailed starling. 'It's not fair that I should be burdened with raising a chick I don't want.' "